what

Hello guys, sorry I've been gone so long. We had another big ice storm, and I was out of town so i haven't had much access to el computador as of late. To recap my recent activities? Let me start at where I went out of town. I went to le Gatlinburg with my lovely boyfriend and his family (A.K.A his mom, his sister whom I'll call Krista, who is 18-19 with a baby, his other sister whom I'll call Sam, who is 7-9, and his niece who was like 8 months). I don't really know how all to recap the trip, so I'll just say this: I advise that you have your first kiss with someone who has previously had their first kiss, otherwise the first attempt ends in laughing and awkward tension in the air to thick to cut with a Kut-Co knife. After the return from Gatlinburg? Came home to no power, so me and la familia stayed at my aunt's for nearly a week. Yeah. Such fun. Very homey. Not. I feel like a doge meme. THINMAN! Anybody heard of thinman? He's creepy. Hint, he's also not real. Yah yah, I see tha thinmahn hee-yah todahy. bad swedish. I'm ranting. I'm also running on to little sleep. I'm going to gooooo. bye. 

Love love,

Phrank Mc. 

Useless inventions

Okay,  Phrank here. Now, in my seemingly short almost fifteen years, I've seen some pretty dumb inventions advertised. So today, whilst watching one of my favorite shows (A.K.A Supernatural), and yet again I saw a commercial for one of the most useless things(in my mind at least) and decided to make a list of it and every other useless invention I can think of, and I will be rate them on a star rating system of * to *****. (one star being least dumb, five being most)

1. That dumb Lysol hands-free soap dispenser. 

Let's face it, this was probably made with very good intentions, and a lot of people most likely think it's genius.  But come on, why on earth does it matter if you get a few germs on your hands because you pumped the handle? If you're using the soap dispenser, shouldn't you be about to wash your hands anyways? Therefore washing off any germs you could have picked up from the soap. Verdict? Good intentions, but not thought through.
Rating? ****

2. Big Mouth Singing Bass. 

These things are basically plastic taxidermy bellowing parodies of classic rock whilst flopping around on a plaque on your wall. They provide hours of time wasting entertainment. Oh, who am I kidding. These things are great.
Rating? **

3. the "Cami Secret".
 A triangle of fabric you clip onto your bra to cover your dirty pillows(that's right, Carrie reference)!!! Bonus! if you look at one not currently in use, it looks like half a super plus sized thong!
Rating? ***

4.  The Trendy Top.
To put it in in the most basic words, the trendy top is the bottom half of a shirt, which you put UNDERNEATH your shirt, to cover your butt crack. My personal opinion is that if you really need this that badly, either get a longer shirt because yours obviously doesn't fit, or maybe you should get some less low-rising jeans.  But hey, put it on with your Cami Secret and you've just about got a full cami!
Rating? ***

5. Hipster Glasses.
I really don't think you want me to get into my deep-seated hatred for the 'style' of wearing glasses because you think they're hot. And how to make them out as useless so that they actually belong on this list? They serve the wearer no purpose but making me despise them.
Rating? *****

Hope you enjoyed!!! Keep watch for more additions!!!
Love Love,
Phrank Mc.

Things You'll Find An Atheist Doing At A Youth Group

It may come as a surprise but sometimes we do go to church.

we do have Christian friends.

So sometimes we end up going to their youth group so we can hang out with them.

Here's some things you'll probably find an atheist doing at a youth group:

Making Sex Jokes (As Long As The Leaders Can't Hear)

Cussing (Then Trying To Cover It Up)

A few weeks ago, I got halfway into saying "f**k" before saying fudge sickles instead.

No one was fooled.

Rolling Their Eyes During Service Like...

No, no, I've never done this...

Wearing Gay Pride Clothing... Whether They're Gay Or Not

I did a search for "Gay Pride bracelet" and guess who owns this:

          ME!

I've called it my gay pride bracelet, never knew that's what it really was.

Bringing Up Statistics Like This

Being Bummed 'Cause All The Cute Guys Are So Saved

No guys or girls that are just like "Yeah, atheist, I'm cool with that."

Not Praying

I would be the kid by the tree.



Hanging With Their Christian Friends

 Faith shouldn't be an issue in relationships.
I don't care if you think a man in the sky said poof and you were born or if you hope your next life will be as a cow.
If you're my friend, you're my friend.
As long as you're cool that I don't know nor care where we came from, then I think we'll get along just fine.

- Yours Truly, Phredrick McSparrow.

7 Things To Do Months Before Prom

Phredrick here, all my lovelies!

So my home school "prom" (more like a big dance that is a bit more formal than others) is coming up.

I don't have my dress yet or know what I'm trying to get at with my look.

!!!But!!!

I've already started preparing, and you can too.

So here are 7 things you can do months before prom.

1. Whiten Your Teeth

When you're dancing with someone, you're close to them.

When you're close to someone, they see your teeth.

When your teeth are yellow it's gross.

When it's gross it gets awkward.

When it gets awkward you become the target of jokes from one of the kids that can't get a dance for any reason (aka, ME)

2. Facials!

They are awesome, they make your skin smooth and clean and remove pimples and all the good stuff!!

Once a week every week before prom, use a face mask.

By the time prom comes around you'll have the smoothest face on the dance floor.

3. Grow Out Your Nails

Nails are sexy, and when you're like me and bite them off, it can get saddening.

So stop biting your nails, they don't even taste good!

4. Learn To Dance

 Even a simple box dance is good.

 You'll be out dancing competently while other girl hang on to boys necks and sway back and forth.

Seriously, this is boring, learn something new.

5. Do Something Drastic (To Your Hair)

Cut it! Color it! Cutesy it!

Your hair is one part of you that is easy to change and easy to get back, be creative.

If you're not comfortable changing it so drastically, get a wig!

Maps Of Beauty wigs are cheap and good quality, but remember to wash it to get the wigy-ness out of it!

If it's synthetic, dish detergent works like shampoo and fabric softener like conditioner.

If it's human hair, use a special wig shampoo and conditioner.

Also, read this on How To Apply A Wig!

6. Do Something Drastic (With Your Body)

Get a piercing, tattoo, or contacts.

All these things make small changes but in big ways. Piercings anywhere but your ears will make you seem punk (GO PUNK!) and wearing contacts may make people think you're not confident in your looks, but hey...

7. Be Confident

Confidence is sexy, no matter who you are.

Love Lolita? Wear Lolita.

Love princesses? Wear a princess dress.

Love combat boots? Wear combat boots.

Read creepy pastas before bed? You're my best friend.

Be confident in who you are and those combat boots or those frills aren't combat boots or frills.

They are you.

So, I hope you liked this, hope you got something out of it and I hope you had fun reading.

What is your pre-dance routine?

Tell us in the comments!

As awlays, I love all my bunnies, but sleep awaits, and I have a little something in mind for my dreams.

So until next time,

Phreddie is gone.

Yeah, Valentines, Woo....

Ok, I know I'm not the only single person out there. 

 But Phrank has a boyfriend, so why don't I?

Too bad I live in a Christian community where all the girls are fairly happy to be single and "devote their time to god"

I assume it's just an excuse to not have anyone on this day of hearts and gross.

Since I have nothing better to do, here's a list of things for a lonely single person to do on Valentines Day:

1. Watch all the Doctor Who minisodes

Go on youtube and look up Doctor Who minisodes. I know right?! So much Who we've been missing!

2. Text/piss off your single friends

Who cares if they think you're hitting on them?

3. Tell your best friend she's a total butt hole for having a boyfriend

Not that I'm not happy she's found someone, but... WHY DID SHE GET ONE BEFORE ME?!?!

Oh yeah, she's likeable...

4. Dream about your future husband/wife

Think about what you want, your priorities, basically imagine your whole life together.

(Note; If one of your priorities involves them not being a text talker, you might need to get over that.

I learned that the hard way...) 

5. Write fanfiction. Yes, even the gross sexual kind.

Just, for the love of Gallifrey, don't post it online.

6. Find some friends to do something with

Go skating, bowling, see a movie. But don't go with just one friend. Especially of the opposite sex.

7. Alternately, do go with one person of the opposite sex

Go see how many couples discounts you can get. I don't know if businesses do that, but you can try.

8. Crash a Valentines party

Hate all those lovey dovey people playing spin the bottle and the endlessly skinny girls who can eat all the reese's candy they want and not gain a single freaking pound?

Crash their party.

9. Wonder why in the heck guys don't like you

 I mean, come on, you're like the coolest person ever, right?

10. Get a boyfriend/girlfriend

No matter how disgusting it may be, love is in the air as single guys and girls everywhere are moping about not having a significant other.

You might just be the person to end their moping.

Best Friend Tag

Hey guys, Phred here, with Phrank on the other end of the phone.

We're going to do the best friend tag!

Basically I'll ask a question and we both have to answer for the other (Example: favorite food, Phrank has to guess/remember my favorite food)

So here we go:

When and how did you meet?

Phrank : End of 2011 beginning of 2012 at church.

Phred: Pretty much, I don't remember specifics.

First impressions of one another?

Phred: I don't remember.
Phrank: You were a slightly odd typical middle  schooler who needed to put a Fricking shirt on I mean come on you always wore a cami and it was winter

Phred: Hey, at least I wasn't that chick who had short shorts on, no matter the occasion

Eachothers nicknames:

Phred: Ginger, Gingy, Gin, George Mr Periwinkle, Phrank

Phrank : Phred, Mer... Uh, I'm having a brain fart

Describe each other in one word:

Phred: Awesome

Phrank : Weirdo

Phred: I change my word to butthead

Favorite singer?

Phred: for you I'd have to say Billy Joe Armstrong of Greenday. 

Phrank : I've got like three, and he is one. P!nk or Freddy Mercury for you.

Phred : P!nk is spot on.

Who is most likely to be drunk?

Phrank: You.

Phred: Me.

Favorite thing to do together?

Phred: Sleep overs, really late. Thats when the inside jokes are made
Phrank: Talking blankets or late night inside joke creating

Dream Jobs:
Phred: Yours would be a Veterinary technician (Well, I technically said veterinarian or something, she corrected me)
Phrank: Yours is singing?
Phred: Music or writing.

Favorite makeup brand:

Phrank: Uh, I don't think I know any makeup brands. Does Avon make makeup?
Phred: What is Avon?

Something that annoys you about the other person:

Phrank: Your height (I- Phred- am at least 6 inches taller than her)
Phred: Your lack of ability to do anything that resembles being feminine.
Phrank: I do feminine things!
Phred: You don't wear makeup, heels, dresses, go to dances, or do girly things.
Phrank: I wear my wedge boots a lot, I went to a dance, and we talk about guys. That counts.

If we could go anywhere in the world together, where and why?

Phrank: British Isles because actors and shows and stuff.
Phred: Um, London so we could get a flat and things. We can bring Danny too.
(Danny is Phrankie's gentleman friend who's name has been changed for security reasons)

Favorite inside joke.

Phrank: Some things about this *pulling hand motion* and... Michael?
Phred: Yeah, me too.
(Michael was a two year crush of mine, and for the first few months of mine and Phranks friendship a mutual crush. Obviously due to her aforementioned boyfriend, he is no longer an interest of hers, nor mine. I resent him for not noticing me)

Who takes longer to get ready?

Phred: You
Phrank: I was gonna say you... Once I'm awake I'm good in five.
Phred: I am as well, and you take much longer to wake up.
Phrank: Only when I don't want to get up.
Phred: You never want to get up.

Favorite season?

Phrank: Spring?
Phred: INCORRECT. It's fall. Summer for you?
Phrank: Late spring, early summer.

Favorite song:

Phrank: That one by P!nk you posted about? (FYI, Phrank, it's called Stupid Girls.)
Phred: No, Switchfoots Meant to Live, but I'll give it to you since it just recently changed. Remembering Sunday for you?
Phrank: Remembering Sunday or I'm Yours.

Heels or Flats?

Phred: Flats (Well, I said heels, but only because I was reading the word at the time.)
Phrank: Heels?
Phred: Flats, I wouldn't give up my combat boots for anything.

Pants or dresses?

Phred: You are pants.
Phrank: I am. I am pants like batman is the night.
Phred: Yeah, hon ok.
Phrank: HAHA, yours is pants (Pants, right?)

Favorite animal:

Phred: Dog because Jobe (Jobe is her dog whom she loves more than her boyfriend.)
Phrank: Dog for you.
Phred: Wrong, gerziminilfitch (Watch out for the Adventures Of Og And Igga, for more on the gerziminilfitch)
Phrank: Well if we're talking about mythical creatures yours is wrong too.
Phred: Fine, unicorns for you.
Phrank: Still wrong. hipocampi or girziminalfitch (There is great debate on with is is girzininilfitch or gerziminalfitch.)
Phred: WHATEVER

If your house was burning down and you entire family was sure to be ok, what would you save and why?

Phred: Jobe, because Jobe.
Phrank: (There was some complication and apparently Phrank didn't know I had cats.) YOU HAVE CATS? I guess them or your computer or your phone.
Phred: My cats are alive, my computer means nothing you little mother dog (Hehe, substitute bad word, so funny)

Comedy, horror, or chick-flick?

Phrank: Horror or comedy?
Phred: Chick-flick, actually. Dirty pleasure. Comedy?
 Phrank: Yeah. Chick flick, huh?

Blackberry or IPhone?

Phred: Um, IPhone?
Phrank: Yes. Yours is IPhone, right?
Phred: Yes.

Favorite movie?

Phrank: Oh, I know this one. It's the one movie with the song you quote a lot.
Phred: The....?
Phrank: (Apparently still trying to remember) What is your answer?
Phred: Frozen?
Phrank: Theres like a hundred. Frozen s probably on the list. OH, Brave?
Phred: No. It's the Point
Phrank: Totally knew that.
Phred: Mmm, hmm...

Something weird that you eat?

Phred: Didn't we eat potato chips dipped in ketchup once?
Phrank: Uh, yeah? That's like a normal people food.
Phred: No it isn't.

What are your weird habits?
Phred: You "reflexively" hit people
Phrank: You wear clothes you say you like and then complain about them.

Finally, who do you assume will have more right answers?

Phrank: I think we'll be pretty even.
Phred: I think I'll win.



So that concludes that. Do you feel like you know us more?
I feel like we've all bonded, the three of us.
Three being you, Phrank and me.
The final scores ended with me being 3 points ahead of Phrank.
I am the better friend.
So do you think it should be spelled Gerziminil\lfitch or Gerziminalfitch?
Tell us in the comments.Subscribe and stuff as well!
As always, I love you guys, good night.

- Phred

*growls* boobs....

Hi guys. 

I know what you're thing. "Ooh nooo, this whole blog is going to be about boobs'. I gladly inform you otherwise. See, I have a thing with boobs to. Except, mine is that 

I FLIPPING HATE THEM. 

They are irritating. I don't understand them. Yeah, yeah, I get what their functioning purpose is, I'm not dumb. But, I mean seriously, they don't have to be so.... There. Do you get what I'm attempting to say? I hope so, because otherwise this is awkward. Let me attempt to simplify it into plain words. Boobs are irritating. One, They get in the way. Someone reaches across you to grab something, you can suck you gut out of the way, but no, you have no physical control over your boobs other than bluntly squishing them back with your hand, which is then more in the way than your fat blobs in the first place. Two, they are FAT BLOBS. And the male gender has somehow deemed these specific two fat blobs on you chest as attractive, the more fatty and blobby and big they are. I don't understand this any more than I understand a paper on neuroscience written in cursive German. Three, they bounce. Like, if you have any amount of boob size that is not held down with the mightiest of bras, they will bounce and jiggle and go freaking everywhere If you so much as tip-toe up a step of walk at a normal pace. Don't get me started on running or working out at tae kwon do. It's torture. I mean, if you're in a room full of other girls with the same problems it's okay. But if you're surrounded by guys of various ages, there are virtually no other girls with notable boobs, and you  try to do a jumping jack or a burpie, and you're in the most awkward situation of your life since you pronounced the 'g' in paradigm. And you can't exactly turn around and put them back in there proper position in your bra, because BOOM, teenage guy behind you. It's really freaking awkward. Also, bras. I know some people who love bras, and I have affection for them, too, when they do their job without causing me physical pain. I probably know people who would run a marathon(maybe not a marathon, but something equally as work-out-ish) in a flipping fancy black lacy underwire bra. I can hardly sit through an hour of church service in the most comfortable of wired bras without being stabbed multiple time by said wires, having to adjust at least twice, or having the straps show off out from under my  shirt. I mean, why do we have to wear a special piece of clothing on our fat blobs, or else get nasty looks? Yeah, guys kind of do too, but it's called underwear and it's not an exclusively male article of clothing, we have to wear it too. I  think I would have a whole lot less problems with boobs if I could control them, like the same way you control your toes or something. Limited mobility, yes, but you could still keep them from going crazy when you lay sideways. 

Conclusion on boobs? 

They are still frustrating, near pointless till you're a mother, they can't move, and you have to practically strap them down. Therefore, my verdict is: I despise their existence.

Bye. Thanks for reading my weirdeties, 

Phrank