A Sigh of Admission

Here's me, Phranklynn George Mister Periwinkle McSparrow, giving into the pressue of society and teenage life in general, and writing about freaking crushes and romance.

And I am disappointed in myself.

So, so disappointed.

 

You see, as you may or may not know, a little over six months ago, when my first and only romantic relationship ended, I decided that dating(and boys) were, for the time being, a stupid idea.

And until recently, I still held onto the notion that I didn't want a crush, and refused to let myself become overly involved in thinking about guys.

 

---Side note: in my whole (now) sixteen years, I have never had any really guy friends. I've had my brother's guy friends, my sister's guy friends, and one boyfriend. Not counting like kindergarten.---

 

I did, however, decide that I wanted more friends. I mean, love her to death, but Phred isn't always there when I'm at a public function, and I'm tired of standing in corners or trailing my family members. Having said that, I've been working on being more involved in things, and stepping outside my comfort zone. I've joined into conversations more, I play more games, I all around put myself out there more. And having said that, I've been hanging around guys more meaning what?

Oh yeah.

I'm in the prime zone for developing crushes.

 

I have a very serious love/hate relationship with crushes. I love them in that I'm not asexual or aromantic, I do enjoy those butterfly feelings. I enjoy being around the person who causes those feelings. Ugh. But the thing about crushes is, I would 85% prefer people had them on me, not vice versa. So that's my narcissistic point. Sue me.

In that I'm saying that I do love a fluttery stomach, but I more so enjoy the thought that somebody looks at me and gets that feeling.

 I know I'm going to sound like a hopeless romantic, but I really hate all the cheesy bits about romance. I promise.

I want to know that whenever they see that green dot by my name on Facebook, that they smile at the simple possibility that they could talk to me. I want their heart to race when I walk in the door, I want them to grin like an idiot when they think of me. I want them to think of any excuse they can to just touch my arm, I want them to be ecstatic if they get a hug out of me.

I want to know that someone is feeling the same things I've felt before, but infinitely more.

And I'm constantly disappointed, because I know I'm not causing those feelings in anyone.

 

Bringing it back to what I was saying earlier, I've been hanging with more dudes lately, putting me right in the place of getting a crush.

And mother of all that is holy I freaking have a crush on some dork.

And because that's what I call him when I'm talking to Phred, his blog-name shall be The Dork, or That Dork, because Dork is an affectionate title for me, in most cases.

Anywho, I have been in vehement denial of this whole "liking" for a few weeks, and at this point I've pretty much accepted my fate. However, it is just an off and on crush, so I haven't lost all hope yet.

Anyways, I'm going to plunge into the deep end and talk about crushes seriously, and "types" or whatever. 

Yep.

Ok.

How do you words.

 

OKAY, SO TYPES.

Over the last few months, I have discovered that I have some sort of 'type'.

Here's the basic run down of my "type":

1. I apparently like blonde guys. I never expected this as a kid, and when I think of a generic attractive dude, he is never blonde. Always dark hair.

2. I like dudes with curly (to an extend) hair. Again with the hair standards, I'm ridiculous.

Let's do a sum of previous crushes:

Michael(at age 11ish): Reddish blonde, curly hair. Tall.

Danny:(age 13-14): Blonde, curly hair. Tall.

Aaron(Not really a crush, just cute): Blond, curly hair. Tall(er than me).

Jamie Bower(Celeb crush, Current): Dude just look him up. I bet you know what to expect.

 

It is an achievement in itself that The Dork isn't blonde. I mean, his hair's wavyish. But I wouldn't say curly. Also, he's taller than me, but I'm only like Five-Three maybe.  So if a guy is shorter than me, I mean, c'mon dude, nobody is shorter than me. Wait, I was making a list. Hold on.

 

OKAY,  CONTINUING:

3. I like funny dudes. I'm quiet, I need somebody a little louder with humor to balance it out.

4. I won't deal with somebody who is overly cheesey. If you're being that cheesey, then there's no way you're being honest. And I will NOT handle dishonesty well.

 

I'm pretty sure that's about it. Yep. I just admitted a bunch of private crap to the whole internet. Scary cause Phred and I are thinking about making our blog known to some of our IRL friends. *unenthused* yaaaayyy.....

 

So that's all I have for today ya'll.

See ya.

(but for heaven's sake, if you like somebody, even as a friend, act like it. that's like a major confidence boost)

 

Buh-Bye

 

Phrankie.



I've got a dream (she's got a dream...)

Okay, so for those of you who may not have read some of my older posts where I mentioned this, I'm a Christian.

Straightforward, I know.

Having said that, a couple weeks ago at youth group, we started a series called "What Keeps You Up At Night?", and it's all about your dreams, and your fears, an how to deal with them (basically).

So at the end of the service, they had us tear off the ends of our paper with the notes on it (those of us who got paper- Oooohh, burn.). On those pieces of paper, they had three things written:
Name:

Dream:



Fear:




They asked us to fill out that sheet, and after we put it in a basket we were dismissed to our small groups. Now, they suggested things for our "Dreams" space, such our future career, or just something we wanted to do with our lives in general. For our "Fear" space, they didn't necessarily mean fear so much as what do we feel is blocking our path to achieve that dream.
Of course, I wrote my planned career, but I also did something that per my usual, was pretty courageous.
I sort of indulged in something that's been on my heart for a while, even if I only identified it around a year ago. It's sort of a difficult thing to explain, and I don't remember how I worded it on my paper either. So, I'm just going to do the best I can.
I have this weird instinct to try and be there for people. I want to be that person that people aren't afraid to pour their heart out to, and I want to be their "backbone" so to speak. I don't really know how else to describe that feel to you.
So I wrote something along those lines under dream, and under 'fear' wrote something like this:
I want to be there for people, but that's a hard thing to do when no one spares you a second glance. I can't be someone's support system when I'm just a background character to them.

Aaaaand so on.
Anywho, it's been like a week since I started this post, so I don't initially recall where I planned to steer it, so I'll say this:
Being that one "friend" that no one pays attention to sucks.
It sucks so bad.
And to be honest, it hurts a little and it's depressing.
Nobody wants to be included in a circle of conversation purely to fill a space.
Nobody wants to be left awkwardly standing around because that one person who treats you like you exist hasn't arrived yet.
Do you get the point yet?
NO ONE WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT.
And here's the thing, if you're not familiar with the feeling I'm describing, the chances are you're on of the people who keeps isolating us.
I'll give credit where it's due, many of you probably don't even realize you're doing it.
Regardless, next time you're at some group function and you notice that one kid who's always hovering around, waiting to be accepted by the people they admire, say hello. Involve them in the conversation, please.
Because I know I can't be the only one who comes home from an otherwise good night, and is suddenly sad because someone starts telling you a story about something that happened earlier, and you were standing right there when it happened. It's crushing, that you're so invisible that people will tell you a story you were involved in and not remember that you were even there.
It kills us to have to repeatedly introduce ourselves to people we hang around with, because they simply forget us time and time again.
Again, I know this is not on purpose, but please, please, pay attention to the invisible ones.
We usually want nothing more than to help.



Sorry for the rant,
Phranklynn McS.

Long Distance Relationships Are Tough Bruh

So I (Phred) haven't posted much as of late, which is pretty normal (sorry).

Sooo, I figured I should write something.

Now, when I'm not terribly inspired with an idea to write a post about, it's hard for me to get into it.

But, having a little bit of expierene on the situation, I decided to write about long distance relationships (LDR).

When I say "experience" it's good to note I'm 14, and have been in 3 1/2 relationships total, none lasting for more than 2 months.

So take this information as you will.

I'v decided to look up frequently asked questions about LDRs and answer them from my perspective.

Soooooo, let's GO!

1. Is it hard being that far away from each other?

Dear lord, no.

It's not like you don't get to touch the one person you want to be with all the time

I totally never lay in bed wishing he'd come and lay next to me but knowing he can't.
It's not hard.

Not at all.

Yes, it's hard.

2. Is it really a relationship if you don’t even see each other?

NOPE, NOT ONE BIT.

I'M SO GLAD YOU POINTED THIS OUT TO ME, I NOW KNOW MY RELATIONSHIP IS A LIE.

3. Do you have like, you know, Skype sex?

If you wouldn't ask me about my sex life normally, don't now.

But yes.

Whenever we can.

4. Have they cheated on you?

Well.

Would you stay with someone if they did that?

No?

Hm.

I'm guessing they haven't cheated on me.

5. Don’t you miss being physical?

6. How often do you see each other?

All the time!

Well...

He's on a computer screen...

But whatevs.

7. Wouldn’t it be more fun to be single?

No, actually.

I wouldn't give it up for the world.

So there's a little post for you.

Hope you had fun with that.

Also, aaayyyyy, despite my promise to not date for a year, I have a boyfriend!

For the tradition of aliases we'll call him Teo.

You guys will most likely see more posts that mention/are about him.

So, yeah, cool cool.

Until next time FuzzleBuns

=^_^=

- Phred McSparrow 

Snippets: Ghost.

 The jingle of the bell on the door.
He looked up to see a familiar face.
She let out a shy laugh when she saw who was waiting for her at the booth.
He'd seen her around school.
They were both exiting their sophomore year. They had a few classes together last semester. Could you have a blind date with someone you knew?
"Hi." She offered as she sat.
"Hey, stranger."
She smiled.
He never realized green eyes could be so beautiful.

He walked his brown-haired girl home from school every day after their second date.
She let him hold her hand after the first week.
By month's end she had his heart.

For his eighteenth birthday,  he got a job and bought his own car.

Mid summer, he walked with her through the front doors of their house for the first time.
He admired the sunlight on her hair as she gazed out the window. She turned around to find him on bended knee, her new ring in hand.
Never was a happier 'yes' spoken.

The pressure was too much too fast.
Paying for the house. The car. Owing things they didn't have.
He sought the wrong crowds for support.
For every pill he took, they convinced him to do more risky things to earn extra keep.
Every illegitimate penny earned was another crack in her heart.

By Fall he was whisked away, bearing a set of silver bracelets.
He watched her from the backseat, red and blue lights reflecting off her tears.
He wished he didn't have to leave her in the front yard like that.
His first clear thought in months.

His mother visited every week.
Her first words were always "I love you,"
His were always "I'm sorry."
She always hid her tears, but disappointment is harder to mask.
He could see his vows to make her proud resting on deaf ears.

Thirty days before he earned his freedom, a guard gave him a letter.
"I'm sorry she didn't get to see you let out"
He would never see his mother again.
He'd take a disappointed "I love you," over losing her any day.

One month later, he learned that freedom feels empty, when everyone you love has given up on you.
He learned this when he walked into the house where his sister tells him he lives.
It was driven in when he saw his brown-haired, green-eyed girl walk through the door of their house. A new hand held hers, and a new ring on her finger.

He wanted to drift away.
To fade into dust, so that he didn't have to remember what he'd lost.
He tried. He held on as long as he could.

Years later, she found a handwritten note among her mail.
"Goodbye, stranger."
He faded away.








Yeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, so that was kinda depressing. 
Whoops. 
That's sorrrrrta just what I've felt like writing lately. 
Anyways, this was sorta loosely/not loosely based of the song "Ghost" by House of Heroes. 
Check it out, it's also depressing.
Yep, that's it. 
See ya next time. 
Bye,
Phrank McS.

Blog Theme Re-Vamped

Hey ya'll.  If you've been reading us for any amount of time before ten minutes ago, you would have by now noticed that our blog now looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Because it does. I asked Phreddie a couple weeks ago if I could shake things up a bit, and here's what I came up with. It was a close toss between this and bubbles for the background. 

So yep, that's it. 

till next time. 

REALITY IS AN ILLUSION

THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM 

BUY GOLD

 BYEEEEE

Phrankie. 

Yeah just so you know our blog's home font is not Comic Sans

It's really not. I promise. It just automatically sets on Comic Sans when it's still loading the page. I felt the need to point that out. 'Cause I really hate Comic Sans. It's not Comic Sans. I promise.

That's all.

Bye.

Phrank  McS.