Hints the title, Danny and I broke up. And I feel as if I owe you an explanation as to why? Even though none of you probably give a crap, except maybe my sister, who is just nosy.
Alright, so what happened? Don't worry my lovelies, your dearest phrankie hasn't been wallowing around in heart break for the past three weeks, as it seems is common in this situation.
No, It was actually a rather uneventful thing in my eyes.
See, I could spend my time telling you every little detail, making jabs at Danny, the 'traditional' post-break-up-rant-of-pain, but there is no pain, no need to rant, no need for jibes, so I'll just tell you the flat truth and set all records straight:
I just don't love him anymore. Not how he wanted me to.
Yes, I did say anymore. I know someone had said the reasoning behind it was he asked if I loved him, and I said no. That's a lie.
A wise soul once told me they believed that there's not just one person in this world you get to love romantically, and that just because you're not meant to be with someone forever doesn't mean you're not meant to be in the first place. I love those words. They make total sense to me, and I accept them as my own philosophy. Having said that, I did love him romantically, and I think we were supposed to happen, but over time it was at the point where I thought that I loved him, but everything he said and did made me want to put him six feet under ground.
Not even kidding.
But I said I wasn't taking jabs tonight, so I'm not going to. Moving on.
Out relationship got to the point where, I was plain miserable for seeming no reason. And I hid it for a time, thinking it was just teenager issues or something. But eventually, it would go away, in fact it got worse, and I just got so flipping stressed. I knew that I had given up long before my 'misery' was visible to any except maybe Phred, and by the time I managed I voice to him that maybe we shouldn't be together, every attempt of his to get me back admittedly just ticked me off. He sent me 'poetic' (as per Phred's description) messages, even though I hate poetry, he told me to listen to a 'take me back' sort of song (which made me so angry I nearly threw my iPod across my bedroom), he did the expected 'don't leave' speeches. But at that point, we were on 'break' already and despite my many, many different wordings of 'stop trying to force me to love you again yore just making it worse', he kept trying to force me to love him again. It was rally the last straw.
And then we were through.
I was already set to move on and just be friends again, put it all on the past, I was so RELIEVED, I felt so free and happy and carefree for the first time in so long; I hadn't realized how weighed down I was until that point.
And then he got all sad, 'depressed', of you will. I didn't account for the fact that, though I'd really gotten over us before we were officially sone, he had the whole 'mourning' period. Buy he was so depressed, it was making me guilty, the very last thing I wanted to feel, was guilty about soon something that made me happy.
Frankly, it ticked me off.
I was outraged.
In a few moments of blind selfishness, I said a few very mean, very selfish, get-over-yourself type things to him. Yeah, I understand I was mean for doing that, but don't you judge me, don you go judging me, Danny, over twenty minutes of selfish anger.
But of course, that's exactly what you did.
You said you 'saw me in a different light'.
Basically, what that's saying is that if you know someone for almost two years, and they have one bad moment, discard all the positive thing about them, the times they've helped you, and give them harsh judgment over one stupid thing. Because that's apparently how life works.
I could have gotten over that, if it weren't for the fact that every conversation since has gone like this, in summation
Him: hi
Me: hello
Him: can we still be friends
Me: yeah
*civilized conversation for five or ten minutes*
Him: *says something rude or no longer acceptable that makes me uncomfortable*
Me: *tries to handle it civilly-*
Him: *says something to start argument*
*argument commences*
Him: *well the how about we just don't talk anymore*
Me: are you serious you claim to want to be friends
Him: ignores me for three days
Me: why do I try
Me: *rants to phred*
'.'
I'm not even joking.
That's how they all go. I'm getting tired of it. However, to give him credit, he did text me a couple days ago and I never responded, but I was emotionally compromised over a book. And he hasn't texted again since, so... Yeah.
That's what happened. Yup. Bye.
Adio
Phrankie Mc
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